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19 November 2007

the canary in the coalmine

crest® makes 46 different types of toothpaste. i know this because i just spent a considerable amount of time extracting the name of each from the crest® website. i consider this an early indicator of global disaster.

baking soda peroxide whitening with tartar protection
barbie® burstin' bubblegum
burstin' bubblegum
cavity protection cool mint gel
cavity protection regular paste
cinnsational swirl
crest maximum strength sensitivity original formula soothing whitening paste
crest maximum strength sensitivity protection extra whitening
crest maximum strength sensitivity protection whitening plus scope
dual action
extra whitening paste
kids' crest cavity protection sparkle fun
multicare cool mint paste
nature's expressions citrus clean mint
nature's expressions mint + green tea extract
nature's expressions pure peppermint fresh
pro-health clean cinnamon paste
pro-health clean mint paste
pro-health night toothpaste
rejuvenating effects gel
rejuvenating effects paste
sensitivity protection extra whitening
sensitivity protection whitening plus scope minty fresh
sesame street kids' cavity protection
spider-man super action liquid gel
tartar control whitening plus scope cool peppermint liquid gel
tartar control whitening plus scope minty fresh liquid gel
tartar protection fresh mint gel
tartar protection regular paste
tartar protection whitening cool mint paste
vivid white invigorating mint
vivid white night revitalizing mint
whitening expressions cinnamon rush
whitening expressions cinnamon rush liquid gel
whitening expressions extreme herbal mint
whitening expressions extreme herbal mint liquid gel
whitening expressions lemon ice
whitening expressions lemon ice liquid gel
whitening expressions refreshing vanilla mint
whitening expressions refreshing vanilla mint liquid gel
whitening plus scope citrus splash
whitening plus scope cool peppermint paste
whitening plus scope extreme cinnamon ice
whitening plus scope extreme mint explosion
whitening plus scope minty fresh liquid gel
whitening plus scope minty fresh striped paste

posted by paul on Mon 19 Nov 2007 at 02:06:47 est (-05:00)

comments

hack.

posted by laceyastra on Tue 20 Nov 2007 at 01:44:23 est (-05:00)

we're gonna need a bigger boat

posted by jhunterak on Tue 20 Nov 2007 at 06:17:24 est (-05:00)

Interesting. Last e-mail I got from you was something along the lines of "I'm way too busy to tell you about everythng going on right now" Glad to see proof of your efforts.

posted by NEAL DAVID on Tue 20 Nov 2007 at 23:30:29 est (-05:00)

la: i hold no higher degree in this field, 'tis true. i am merely a prophet.

jh:

'that's a twenty footer.'

'twenty-five. three tons of 'im.'

nd: the correlation between toothpaste and the state of this earth is not important?

posted by paul recon on Tue 20 Nov 2007 at 23:31:53 est (-05:00)

I'm just glad that when we all die, we can be assured of having minty fresh breath...

posted by NEAL DAVID on Wed 21 Nov 2007 at 11:30:06 est (-05:00)

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