28 October 2012

lord aleister, king of the vine wall

he has many names and he will destroy you with his laser eye.

the tiniest puff
aleister crumb
mr. crumb
aleister danger crumb
mr. danger crumb
mr. croom
mysterious croom
señor croom
super croom
master croom
croomey croom
croomey croom croom
croomey croom croom croom
the tiniest croom
the world's tiniest croom
the croom of crooms
the cat of doom
mr. croomb
mysterious croomb
super croomb
master croomb
crème de la croom
croom de la croom
croom brûlée
lord aleister
lord aleister, king of the vine wall
lord aleister, king of the wicker people

posted by paul at Sun 28 Oct 2012 at 19:23:59 EST (-05:00) | comments (0)

09 June 2012

An open letter to every person I meet who finds out I ride a motorcycle

Taken from http://hellforleathermagazine.com/2012/06/an-open-letter-to-every-person-i-meet-who-finds-out-i-ride-a-motorcycle/, by Carter Edman...

Let me stop you right there, mmmm-kay? I can tell by that little intake of breath what's coming next. Thank you in advance, but I already know that motorcycles are "dangerous." After nearly twenty years of riding on the streets, I am aware; telling me now will not be a revelation. It is not an insight into my lifestyle that has remained hidden from me until this, the moment of epiphany when you shine the light of outsider wisdom on my foolhardy choices.

There are ways I can minimize the risk -- by riding defensively, riding sober, knowing my own and my machine's capabilities, etc. -- but I also know there are some risks that are simply beyond my control. But you know what? There a lots of risks that are within my control. We've become so pathologically risk-averse that for most people it is inconceivable to assume any additional risk no matter how much joy you might get back in return.

You want to know what's truly dangerous? Not taking any risks. Hanging out with like-minded middle-of-the-roaders. Absorbing the same brain-ossifying shit from media factories every day. Jogging. Putting helmets, flotation devices, and auto-deploy epi-pens on your kids every time they leave the house. Passivity. Not paying attention to where your car, or your life, or you country is going.

If you don't get that, that's OK. I'm not trying to convert anybody, but here are a few tips to save us both a little aggravation:

You don't need to tell me the horror story about your uncle's buddy who wiped out his chopper while drag racing at some hooligan rally. That just makes me wish I were talking to your uncle's buddy instead of you. He sounds pretty cool.

Do not -- do NOT -- tell me about the time you almost Sausage Creatured a biker because you "couldn't see him" or he "came out of nowhere." I have never known a bike to come out of nowhere, but I have seen plenty of cars pull a Crazy Ivan and turn into a lane occupied by a biker or make an impromptu unsignalled left turn in front of an oncoming me. If you're expecting me to share your outrage at the temerity of bikers to be in the lane you want, you're more deluded than a goldfish with a passport. I can't make you see bikes. I can't make you hang up your phone. They won't let me mount a .50-caliber machine gun to my bike. So really, there's not much I can do to change the outcome of your anecdote, so save it for your coreligionists who also have stick-figure families and giant softball stickers with the name "Tailyr" or "Flynn" or "Shyly" on their rear windows.

I do wear a helmet, as a matter of fact, along with other protective gear. But, the fact that you "certainly hope" I wear a helmet is so condescending it makes me want to ride a tricycle completely naked doing doughnuts in your front yard screaming Beastie Boys lyrics at midnight. Trust me, you do not want that. My buttocks are extremely pale and unsightly, especially in moonlight.

Please, do not complain about bikes parking in car parking spaces. Where are we supposed to park? If they let us park up on the curb like in Europe, we would totally do that, and precious few parking lots have motorcycle parking areas. Most cops already have a hard-on for bikes, so parking anywhere but in a designated spot is asking to be impounded.

Yes, I know, some bikes have very loud exhaust. Maybe it's obnoxious, but at least you knew they were there, didn't you? They say loud pipes save lives. I don't know if that's true, because there hasn't been a serious comprehensive study of motorcycle safety since 1981, the poetically named Hurt Report. And yes, I know, at one point you probably saw some kid riding his 600cc sport bike at 100mph doing a wheelie down the freeway. He's a squid, and he'll either grow up or just take care of himself. Some bikers do crazy things. Anti-social things. Unsanctioned things. I don't represent him and he doesn't represent me -- that's the great part of being a biker. I could be a Lowbrow Weirdo or Antoine Predock or Lyle Lovett or just whatever I want to be.

If you're really so all-fire concerned about my safety, don't preach at me. Just do me this one favor: pay attention when you're driving. Keep your greasy fingers off your touch-screen, put down your phone, use your turn signals and lay off the booze before you get on the road with me. You take care of your part and I'll take care of mine.

But hang-gliding, man, that shit is crazy.


Carter Edman is an architect, writer, and rider in Cleveland, Ohio. He teaches "Motorcycles and American Culture" and other courses at Case Western Reserve University.

posted by paul at Sat 09 Jun 2012 at 12:46:45 EST (-05:00) | comments (0)

05 November 2008


posted by paul at Wed 05 Nov 2008 at 00:28:50 EST (-05:00) | comments (0)

11 November 2007

the eleventh of november

for those who have fought to protect our freedom and the freedom of others, i salute you.

posted by paul at Sun 11 Nov 2007 at 12:29:57 EST (-05:00) | comments (0)

10 November 2007

superstore stampede kills shoppers! pow!

posted by paul at Sat 10 Nov 2007 at 13:28:34 EST (-05:00) | comments (0)

08 November 2007

drug-tainted toys put kids in comas! pow!

posted by paul at Thu 08 Nov 2007 at 01:41:09 EST (-05:00) | comments (0)

05 November 2007

the appreciation is endless

: you arrive at the front of the checkout line and lay your two items on the counter. the clerk looks at you, smiles, and asks if that will be it. you contemplate the other items in the store. did you miss something? _will_ that be it? is there something more? _could_ there be something more? what else does the clerk have? you smile and nod your head. yes, sir, that will be it. i appreciate this phenomenon.

: you are two hours into a no limit texas hold 'em tournament. each black chip is worth 100 betting units. one player throws out three black chips and announces his bet, "300." the chips land in close proximity to each other, but none are touching. all three lie flat on the table. the player to his left glances down at his cards, stares for five seconds at the three black chips lying on the table, and then looks up at the dealer and asks "how much?". i appreciate this phenomenon.

: you are standing at the deli counter at your local supermarket waiting to order 0.680388 kg of boar's head brand mesquite smoked turkey and 0.453592 kg of swiss cheese. there is one other customer at the deli counter who is already being helped. no other customers are around the deli counter; in fact, no one else is remotely near the deli counter. it is just you and the other customer. the second deli counter worker approaches you, stares directly at the ceiling, and announces in an elevated tone, "next in line." i appreciate this phenomenon.

posted by paul at Mon 05 Nov 2007 at 22:26:16 EST (-05:00) | comments (0)

03 November 2007

i appreciate these phenomena

: the traffic light turns from red to green but the driver of the lead vehicle isn't paying attention. seconds pass as the drivers behind him wait patiently. the lead driver eventually looks up and sees the green light. rather than accelerate at a normal rate, he accelerates at twice the normal rate, leaving those behind him to contemplate the shattered state of their secondary and insignificant lives. i appreciate this phenomenon.

: everything and everyone associated with ramming bumpers including but not limited to vehicles equipped with ramming bumpers, owners of vehicles equipped with ramming bumpers, and those who install ramming bumpers. http://bumpers-4you.com declares, via copy and paste to globalrecon.org:

Bumpers enhance and protect your truck. Our featured truck and SUV bumpers have the following excellent features:

» Adds a touch of attitude style to your front end
» Versatility to hold auxiliary lighting or a winch
» Stop low-speed impacts from causing thousands in damage
» Prevents stray shopping carts and careless drivers
» Various shapes and sizes designed around your vehicle

Keep in mind that bumpers are all the same. So, an intelligent decision is required for you to come up with the right buy! We can help you. Call us now!

unfortunately, they've missed the most important feature of the ramming bumper which is, of course, the ability to ram the shit out of other vehicles on the highway. texans are big on ramming bumpers and i appreciate this phenomenon.

: my presumption that most owners of pick-up trucks, especially those who have installed a tarp-like snappable cover on their pick-up truck bed, utilize the beds of their pick-up trucks for hauling anything which would not just as easily fit into a typical car trunk or back seat approximately one day out of each year. i appreciate this phenomenon.

posted by paul at Sat 03 Nov 2007 at 05:02:25 EST (-05:00) | comments (2)

11 October 2007

begin to imagine

i just saw a segment on the discovery health channel's trauma: life in the er where a man in his early twenties was admitted to the er after crashing his car into a tree and injuring the c2 and c3 vertebrae in his neck. the attending physican described the injury to the c2 vertebra as a hangman's fracture as the injury is typically seen in hanging victims. the man's spinal cord was injured in the crash.

he will _never_ walk again.

i can't even begin to imagine.

there's nothing in my life that has _ever_ come close.

i can't even.

posted by paul at Thu 11 Oct 2007 at 19:07:56 EST (-05:00) | comments (0)

presuming to know is a disease

not knowing is true knowledge.
presuming to know is a disease.
first realize that you are sick;
then you can move toward health.

: stephen mitchell's translation of lao tzu's tao te ching

this makes me strong. i am becoming again.

posted by paul at Thu 11 Oct 2007 at 01:08:14 EST (-05:00) | comments (0)

19 May 2007

even the slightest amount

i'm stuck in boston due to the weather. while it's only drizzling outside, even the slightest amount of precipitation greatly detracts from the motorcycle experience and so i'm going to wait until the weather clears before i depart. anxious.

you may have noticed that i missed last wednesday's day of cake as i was busy preparing for the upcoming trip. i must unfortunately postpone the day of cake until i return to boston as i will be away from facilities and equipment essential to building cakes.

i've completed a few of my missions.

. learn to play 'dueling banjos': 100% [i don't have the speed yet, but i'm close. need to find a guitar player. gigantic thanks to my parents for my banjo birthday present.]

. heal the broken stator in for.great.justice: 100% [already mentioned in the 17 may 2007 press release, gigantic thanks to josh for helping with the repairs.]

. find my bicycle and celebrate with a midnight ride: 100% [gigantic thanks to sky for giving me his two wheeled terror.]

you've been great and we've been megadeth.

posted by paul at Sat 19 May 2007 at 11:28:22 EST (-05:00) | comments (0)

17 April 2007

those which are... are simply not.

i wish i could save away this feeling in a tiny glass vial that i would store in a secret place, perhaps on a cluttered shelf if i happened to have a cluttered shelf (the highest shelf and behind the clutter of course), and struggle to find upon remembering how so important and so intense and so explosive are the contents. i just finished watching a movie which made me remember that most of our problems are so trivial. those which seem overwhelming are not. those which cause worries should not. those which are... are simply not. so often i become burdened with the surface and forget the deepest. family. friends. love. happiness. i'm still struggling to find some of the deepest, but the feeling which unfortunately i was not able to capture in a glass vial and which now slowly seeps from me has helped. i think i was able to press just a bit of it into this rice papery page and i'll try my best not to forget.

i know two people who slay. josh and emily. they slay. last weekend i went to montreal for the c.o.m.a.4 electro noise festival and had a blast with terretron and a furry hood coat (what?! with thanks to kate) and an out of body experience with terrorfakt, a sledgehammer, and a bottle of red wine which emily bought for me. and i stayed in their hotel room and they were above.level.destruction. saw deftly, angela, andy, kyle, and ian, the most vicious person on this planet, although bri3n may rival his viciousness. met sonya and squid and kate who all inflict heavy damage. was crushed by cakebuilder and iszoloscope and so many others. and erika with a k, les misfits, should most certainly quit talking and turn around. i wish jen's feet hadn't been hurting her so badly and that alcohol had been able. the haze in ilhan's eyes when i turned around and saw him during terrorfakt and deftly's grinder and the few words with bri3n after the set. amazing.

tactical sekt. [avi video. 15mb.]

tactical sekt. [avi video. 10mb.]

josh is hard. [avi video. 9mb.]

cakebuilder. [avi video. 21mb.]

perfection plastic. [avi video. 13mb.]

most pics didn't come out, unfortunately. these were salvageable.

today i stood in boston's kenmore square for four hours watching and cheering on the runners of the 111th boston marathon. much of the feeling i had in new york came back in a flood. and the looks on the runner's faces as they approached the final mile. they trained for months for this one day and i'm certain this one day made all of those months utterly worthwhile. the day is gigantic and i can't recommend enough experiencing a similar one on either side of the barriers. something which operates on one of those deep levels happens on these days... something which knows nothing of the surface and only of the core... and these are the things which are most important.

runners through kenmore square. fenway park in the background. [avi video. 32mb.]

you don't need to tell me about sentence fragments. i already know. i designed them that way.

posted by paul at Tue 17 Apr 2007 at 02:53:49 EST (-05:00) | comments (0)

04 April 2007

twelve days


it's currently snowing in boston.

posted by paul at Wed 04 Apr 2007 at 14:44:07 EST (-05:00) | comments (0)

02 April 2007

which may be executed

in one month and with luck, for.great.justice will be reassembled and ready to ride. with the turn of the weather, i am missing the road. i have a plan inside of me which may be executed if i'm not yet working by may. while resources run low, my idleness has infused me with an insanity which can only be cured by removing the idleness.

in five days i will perform onstage with terretron at c.o.m.a.4 in montreal, quebec, canada. international. i'll be in montreal 06 april through 08 april.

in two days justice's modified engine cover should arrive.

yesterday i ran three miles.

six days ago i sent the engine cover to a machinist to be modified such that i'll be able to access the stator without removing the entire engine if it should fail in the future.

nine days ago josh and i deconstructed for.great.justice and succeeded in removing the engine cover to access the failed stator.

mission status in completeness:

. heal the broken stator in for.great.justice: 45%
. establish an intimate relationship with red wine: 5% [latest acquisition]
. transfer forty.five minutes of sound from my head to my computer: 25%
. find my bicycle and celebrate with a midnight ride: 10%
. cook a delicious meal for ten people: 5%
. qualify for the 2008 boston marathon: 0.1%

posted by paul at Mon 02 Apr 2007 at 19:34:44 EST (-05:00) | comments (0)

21 March 2007

the winter is over.

posted by paul at Wed 21 Mar 2007 at 18:37:41 EST (-05:00) | comments (1)

so i don't forget

i will write them down so i don't forget.

closer to the untouchable closer to the later:

. learn to play 'dueling banjos'.
. learn japanese.
. race a tornado.
. build a log cabin.
. run from marathon to athens in greece.
. build an indoor beehive.
. ride a motorcycle from the arctic circle to the land of fire.
. stand at the southernmost point on the surface of the earth.

closer to the touchable closer to the now:

. heal the broken stator in for.great.justice
. establish an intimate relationship with red wine
. transfer forty.five minutes of sound from my head to my computer
. find my bicycle and celebrate with a midnight ride
. cook a delicious meal for ten people
. qualify for the 2008 boston marathon
. for me: [a.g.l]

in the intangible:

. for me: [social experiment: seek the uncomfortable]


. see beyond the surface to the inside. there is something inside.
. take a photo of raw emotion.

posted by paul at Wed 21 Mar 2007 at 04:06:02 EST (-05:00) | comments (2)

19 March 2007

the missing

more of the missing. hope for him.


less of the missing.


posted by paul at Mon 19 Mar 2007 at 16:26:25 EST (-05:00) | comments (0)

28 January 2007

filling in my missing parts

a metal-induced frenzy on friday night has left me with a broken finger, a busted blue and bloody lip [apologies to kim onto whom some of my blood may have gushed], a piercing pain in my jaw which has disabled clenches, a torn muscle in my chest which prevents the utilization of the full capacity of my lungs, bruised knees and elbows, and countless unpinpointable pains. [i'm fine, mom. stop worrying.] as i've already stated, injuries resulting from mind controlling music are easily swallowed. this show filled me with something that has been missing for a while (which is nice considering my current mission is filling in my missing parts).

oh they say that it's over
and it just had to be
oh they say that it's over
we're lost children of the sea

: children of the sea, black sabbath

i haven't heard back regarding my volunteering email, but i'm sure i will and i'm still happy because of it.

lastly, i transported justice to josh and emily's where at some point i will undertake the dreaded stator replacement. thanks much to neal david for allowing the use of his truck and to josh and emily for storing my incapacitated motorcycle at their place. really appreciate it guys.

hi sv.

posted by paul at Sun 28 Jan 2007 at 23:06:50 EST (-05:00) | comments (4)

24 January 2007

the starting makes me

i have started. i've sent an email volunteering my computer skills to a social service and arts organization in boston. i have stepped in the way of the droning and started and just the starting makes me happy.

posted by paul at Wed 24 Jan 2007 at 23:03:33 EST (-05:00) | comments (0)

how bright it will become


i am droning, not so disconsolate, not so distressed, but it seems this droning could continue for some time because nothing is getting in its way. _i_ am not getting in its way. and i know time is valuable, too valuable for this droning. so i'm going to stop it. have you heard me? i am going to stop it.

it is this time of night that songs can get into my eyes. and it seems like i'm just sitting here while there is some good i should be doing on this earth.

on the turning away
from the pale and downtrodden
and the words they say
which we won't understand
don't accept that what's happening
is just a case of others' suffering
or you'll find that you're joining in
the turning away

: on the turning away, pink floyd

i'm going to start small, but i'm going to start.

separately, there is a sparkling light in front of me. i wonder how bright it will become.

posted by paul at Wed 24 Jan 2007 at 04:26:23 EST (-05:00) | comments (2)

18 January 2007

five minutes to midnight

the doomsday clock now reads five minutes to midnight.

"The world stands at the brink of a second nuclear age. The United States and Russia remain ready to stage a nuclear attack within minutes, North Korea conducts a nuclear test, and many in the international community worry that Iran plans to acquire the Bomb. Climate change also presents a dire challenge to humanity. Damage to ecosystems is already taking place; flooding, destructive storms, increased drought, and polar ice melt are causing loss of life and property." : thebulletin.org

i bought a box of forty security envelopes six days ago. i think that should get me through, don't you? i have this idea about driving to california in february.

bromide \BROH-myd\, noun: a dull person with conventional thoughts.

posted by paul at Thu 18 Jan 2007 at 05:57:51 EST (-05:00) | comments (1)

20 December 2006

held out hope, until

your mind, your heart somewhere else, and held out hope, until forever.


posted by paul at Wed 20 Dec 2006 at 13:08:43 EST (-05:00) | comments (0)